MY NEED FOR CLEAN

Some people ( including myself), may say that I am a little on the anal side. Perhaps even a little "Mommy Dearest" at times. If you don't get the reference it's probably not a bad thing, but if "NO WIRE HANGERS!!!!! rings a bell then you may be getting a picture of me on a bad day.

I don't like this side of me, this neat as a pin, constantly tidying and nagging about tidying, oh if I could only let go just a little bit, stop staring at the floors looking for sticky spots, I would probably achieve so many other worthwhile things.

Having said this, Hazel decided during the last school holidays that she wasn't getting my full attention all of the time so took to drawing on the walls. Beautiful, fanciful little creatures and butterflies that I just love and will NEVER remove, infact I've actually thought of getting her to colour them in. So this is my point. When you do let go, or should I say when I do let go, when I stop rearranging pencils and putting things out of reach so they can't be messed up, when I stop "styling" the craft table and just let the girls go for it, do what they want, absolutely amazing things happen. I look at this doll that Ailee made Hazel for Christmas and just can't believe my eyes. Stop unravelling, rubbing out, unstitching, folding, stacking and sorting because one day this house will be tidy and neat and so very very quiet and I know how much I will miss them and hope that I don't feel I ever restricted their creative expression by my need for order and control.

Winter Sun

Baking and Sewing? Am I kidding?

And blogging? No, truth be told I'm burning, going back and forth to the sewing machine shop for the 'unlimited hours of help " that came with my new Janome. "Open that door Gwen I know you're in there! My problem is that when Daryl travels I tend to go overboard with activities to "busy" myself. Sorry, five kids not enough I hear you say? Well, I have some time alone when Hazel is at kinder so I set myself the task of making Ailee and Lucinda a quilt. Each. As you can see it all looks very industrious, and maybe a little staged, the reality is I'm getting nowhere and while I sit here typing the Anzac biscuits are turning to charcoal in the oven. How burnt is too burnt? Black teeth maybe? Sitting and knitting, that would have been a much better use of the little bit of time I had.

A blog I love to follow is Soulemama. One post ( or maybe two), were dedicated to the art of sitting and knitting ( the guilt free version). Sitting and knitting as the household whirls around you rather than my usual thing being the opposite, me whirling and never sitting. Busying myself on the periphery of my family is not very satisfying. Sitting and knitting, the girls coming over for a snuggle or to read to me, I know this lovely state of things never lasts very long, there is always something to get up and do but those moments are so lovely if I would just take more time for them.

Autumn afternoons

"Who's going to make the fish next year Hazel when you're not here?

"Don't worry Mum, I'll do it when I get home from school".

I'm going to miss these cosy Autumn days, Russell snoozing on the couch and me and Hazey doing our little jobs together. I'm really trying to make the most of it, it's my favorite time of year and there is nothing I enjoy more than taking some knitting to the park and watching Hazel play as Autumn leaves whoosh around us, wooly hats on little heads. I think nature feels so much more present as I get older, don't know why but I find myself stopping much more often to enjoy it than I used to.

Yes I do feel a slight dread as I anticipate my last little one going off to school. I will miss having her around, stories on the couch, pottering in the garden, Dora on the telly. She just called out to me to come and read her book.......it is going to be very quiet indeed, until 3.30 rolls around of course.

Easter at Walnut Hill

The farm is such a measure of time for me. Phemie was only six months old when we bought the property, maybe around one when we planted the first seeds. We certainly have been busy. Time rushes past so fast and yet at the farm it seems a little more still. I feel like I can breath there, take notice and wonder at all we have. And then I pile the girls into the car and we head home to such busy lives, but that place is always in the back of my mind, just a quite picture of somewhere I truly love to be.

Two and a half years later...finished.

Switching off the lights before bed, spot a little photo that makes me smile. Where have we been? I lost a cord, have found it, will load some photos and return, I miss my little post, my time for reflection on the good parts, plus we have Russell now and he is adorable!