Tobie

Never have I had a child so excited about going to camp. She has been a toothy grin for days leading up to her big departure, packing her own bag, completely foused on just how much fun she was going to have. I asked her what she was most excited about to which she replied "Just camp!!!

She will return this afternoon, probably exhausted and a bit deflated now that camp is over. But her dinner request of pie floater and apple crisp awaits to soften the blow. Missed you my wee Tobes, you have a love of life that is inspirational!

WINTER DAYS AT LORNE - Out for a walk, home for a nap!

Back Home

I need to acknowlege that it has been a really big six months for me. And at the end of that six months I saw a baby born. So whilst the study continues (Cert 1V), I do however, really feel the need to go back to making Tobie's blanket, planting some veggies, finishing Lucinda's quilt, folding some washing. It's OK to just be here, at home, and I really feel that I need to come back into it. During the past month particularly, I have felt like I have lived in a bubble, waiting for the baby, finishing my course, leaving the college that I have really grown to love. But with this thing that has just been mine, has for some reason, come a need for privacy and time and quiet. But now, today, I am home alone again and I realise I miss the noise, and the chatter and the  being the centre of the wheel that as mothers we just are. I love that vision of family spinnng around the one central core, the mother who stands in themiddle and lets it whirl around and around her.

Trust the Process

I find myself in very unfamiliar territory. I am home alone. Not like when I'm home during school hours and I'm rushing to get a million things done, nor the sort of home alone like when Daryl is away and I'm home alone with five kids. No, this is actually home alone. By myself, not even the dog. Just me. For a few days. But no I'm not lounging in bed with a glass of wine eating Pringles, nor am I spring cleaning which has always been a dream of mine if I ever found myself in this situaltion. Kaye Allan you know what I'm talkin' bout. No, instead I am writing, and eating a pear. You see, I am waiting. Waiting for a baby to be born. Am I am learning a very important lesson about babies and birth and that is to Trust the Process.

You see for the last six months I have been training to be a doula. What's a doula you may ask? A doula is a person who gives a woman and her family support before, during and after the birth of their baby. It has been something I have wanted to do for a very very long time and I knew that when Hazel started school, the time was finally right. And how right it has been in terms of the amazing women I have found myself amongst, and how right this very moment feels as I sit here typing,  all the other bits and pieces I have done whilst my girls have been growing, has bought me to this very place, this place where I sit and I wait. And sometime in the next week, I will be called to go and support this couple as they bring their child into the world. It feels like such a privledge to be a part of that incredibly intimate space, and I won't kid myself, I am pretty bloody nervous. I have been "on call" now for a month, an incredibly nerve wracking month of checking my phone every 5 minutes, no drinking (at all, yes that's right, not a drop), and feeling like I am on an absolute rollercoaster, one minute just dreading that phone call which will inevitably result in me seeing a baby come out of someone's vagina, to feeling complete an utter excitement as I wait to enter into this sacred realm of birth. To be honest, the first emotion has been the prominent.

There is a mantra in the Doula world, Trust the Process. I thought I did by the end of week twenty. But in the last few days I have realised that I am with a couple who truly believe their baby will come when he is ready. I am with a couple who believe that birth really is the most natural and safe process. This woman knows that right now her baby is well and safe, and that he should be given more time. She comes away from her hospital appointments feeling unsupported and judged. And of course, if a time should come where her baby is no longer safe and well, then her decision will be different. But at this very moment she feels he deserves the time he needs, no induction, no time constraints, he is not ready to be born.

So now I wait. Daryl and the girls are on their way to the farm, stopping at Nagambi for a meal at the pub. It's quiet, and I so appreciate the fact that I can be alone with these thoughts and when the time comes it will just be me and my doula bag walking out the front door, no calls to make or kids to sort.
"Role with it Stace", were Daryl's words to me. It's funny though, he says he couldn't stand this job but actually, my gorgeous calm rock of a husband, you would make an excellent Doula, in fact, you proved that four times!

I'll just keep crocheting the little blanket I decided to make for my first client ( won't make a habit of that), I'll have another cup of tea and an omlette for dinner. Climb into bed early because you never know what little bundle the night may bring....or not.