SUNDAY

It's cold outside, Daryl has gone to the farm until Monday, I have five kids. I'm tired. We had a lovely night last night at Ange and John's eating all things North American. Shel's six layer dip was a sensation! But today I'm tired, and cranky, and although I've had thoughts about taking the girls our for a drive to the country side, I actually know that's not going to happen. And so I stupidly, like I don't know myself at all, suggest we all do some sewing!!!AM I INSANE?  Let me give you some background. I'm a control freak, AND I'm tired. But what the heck, let's throw caution to the wind and dust off the Janome.

The picture above of dear little Hazel doing something to a piece of hesian, is by far only a snippet of what is really going on. In the background I am asking ( read screaming) at Ailee "Have you read the instruction manual? The bobbin has jammed, there is cotton bunching. Those two words together make my blood pressure rise..bobbin and bunching!!! I have a friend who always reminds me that the reason sewing machines are so heavy is so that you can't hurl them across the room, but I reacon I could give a fair go. And so, swearing under my breath ( yeh right, they heard), as I dig away to recover the tangled mess from the guts of this horrific creature, I stop for a moment only to realise that Ailee is standing behind me, tears running down her face. Oh dear. Memories of similar horrid sewing moments from my own childhood (my mother standing behind me weeping as I have a total meltdown), come flooding back. The warning signs were there, I AM TIRED, and under no circumstances should I be allowed near that sewing machine, particularily when it involves one of my children! At least I had the good sense to stop. Pack the damn thing up, apologise, and suggest that perhaps it would be lovely to book into a little sewing class at the sewing shop at Highpoint (look out Gwen, I'm coming back!), and learn to sew...together. Ailee agreed and is now happily sitting on the couch hand sewing her bunting and watching some crap on the Disney Channel, which is in fact what she wanted to do from the start but oh no, I was determined....will I ever learn.

Tobie and I made some lovely bread for lunch which everyone smothered in avocado, cheese and tomatoes, yum. But then I had to go an wreck it with bloody craft! I love craft but I just do not have the patience to teach my own children. It's so frustrating but when there are five of them all needing assistance, well I just can't do it. I think I need to make a rule, one at a time, give each of them patience and time. And so Ailee and I will head up to Highpoint for our sewing lesson, I'll sit with Lucinda and work out her crochet pattern, I will search for that calico that Tobie needs for her project and I'll sit with Hazel while she learns to hand sew, giving her the time and focus she deserves. But right now, I'm going to hop into bed with my own knitting and watch a movie. And that's OK. Fortunately for Phemie, she's not that into craft, or maybe she's just so scarred from me teaching her to knit! She is actually in the kitchen baking some lovely chocolate tarte, she is completely confident in the baking department and I haven't really taught her a thing...hmm...there is probably something to that.

AUTUMN

Another Autumn has come. It is my favorite season, holding all that I love, I never want it to end. It's Harvest time, the girls are camping at the farm, picking the fruit, hunting for eggs, celebrating a birthday,  sunny and crisp in the morning as I carry my coffee to the porch ( only to be driven back inside by the stench of rotting rabbits under the house), wood piles up by the back door ready for the first real need for warmth, the sound of the footy in the background.

I really love those things about Autumn I know I can rely on each year. The leaves will fall, the walnuts will go to market, another birthday for my girls, the sound of laughter from the trampoline, cleaning the dust from every surface after the harvest has finished, the endless cups of tea and cake, concerts in the shearing shed at the end of the day. But I also know that things will change. As I watched the kids frantically search for eggs in the grass, I wondered if next year might just be a little bit different. I remember so vividly one of Phemie's first easter egg hunts. It was in our backyard in Kensington. She was two. Ailee and Lucinda was still in special care, at the Women's Hospital,  it would be the last time that our eyes and time was just for her.

I hope the farm is somewhere she will always feel like she can be that child. Open skies, her family around, no pressures, just her, in her PJ's collecting Easter eggs.

HANG ON A SECOND?

The moment I have been dreading. My baby Hazel puts on her uniform and new shoes, so excited that the day is finally here, big smile on her face, finally with her sisters off to school, embracing it like she does everything, with joy and enthusiasm. Yes the moment I have been dreading. So it's not all about me, I know I know, please stop reminding me, move on, be happy for her. Please don't get me wrong, I am so happy for her and I have rest assured guarded her from my own misery, and I was so brave as she unpeeled my fingers from hers and waved me off, until I got outside. There was Chris Angus. Phemie's prep teacher, long serving and motherly. " Oh hello Stacey, how are you doing? Well before I new it I was in this woman's arms howling like an idiot.

It is now the end of week two and it feels good to debrief. But I miss her chatter and the sound of Dora drifting over to the kitchen, it's just not the same watching by myself. And I've started my doula training but oh so much talk of babies and birth and recounting my own experiences has been both painful and cathartic.

So just for the record, I have loved loved loved my slow rythmic days with little ones around the house, and whilst it's so lovely to finally have a coffee with my dear friends and not have to hand over my iphone just to get some peace and quiet, and now I can listen to talk back in the car and not Justine Clark, I'm feeling a bit stuck in this strange place, eager to go forward with new things but at the same time, struggling I guess, just a bit, to view this time as mine and not wish instead that it was still theirs....

CHRISTMAS

At least two of these photos reflect the truth of Christmas around here. Sure we've put up a tree and decorated the dog a couple of times ( before he got carted off for his million dollar knee reconstruction, Merry Christmas), sure we did a bit of wet felting in an attempt to make some looovely hand made decorations ( didn't actually work but photo looks good). Yes the two photos that really tell the story of what is going on around here is firstly Tobie at the M.A.C counter at Myer ( stuff the windows she just wants makeup), and Hazel sittin' on the couch, watchin' telly, eatin' chokky waiting for her turn to get the headlice treatment. Hmmm...come to think of it, my head feels a bit itchy.

But I think about the carols the other night and the fact that my dear friend Ange is back ( and making lists bless her), and I think back to Sunday afternoon at the Botanical gardens for our friends Christmas picnic and watching babies being passed around and just the familiar thing of knowing someone for ever. There is an excitement around here that only comes when children are little and Santa is on his way, and even though I feel like it's wizzing by I sit at this and tap away and suddenly realise that I do see all the other truths about Christmas that are the traditons we follow and that we begin. Friends on Christmas Eve, little faces on Christmas morning, family, chutney that worked, that present that you just know someone is going to really love, summer holidays at Lorne, emails from far away treasured friends that just understand everything, the list does go on and on and I am so lucky and grateful, but now I am yelling down the stairs and distracted and being pulled back but so happy that I took a minute to stop. Just a minute of course.

THE FARM

It has been so long since I have been to the farm, the longest ever I think between visits. I have allowed too many things to get in the way and I always say that I will change this but reality is that life gets busy, your children play sport, you have friends you want to see, we have travelled and pottered around at home but then I get a yearning for that place and it felt so good to wake up there and take a coffee out into that fresh crisp sunshine and watch my little ones jump on the trampoline, and Russell bound around like the puppy he still is, and to sit and watch the magpie family who have been here as long as we have, it was truly the best coffee I have had in a long time.

I think the girls all felt the same. Daryl gets up here when there is work to be done, but the girls have never seemed so pleased to be here either which made me so happy as I dread that day when they protest about going to the farm ( sign that they are growing up and we all know how I feel about that process!). But I am home now, sitting at the computer on cup day morning, a day of planting veggies in my suburban garden ahead of me, I feel like I have had my fix, but could happily drive back there tomorrrow and go for a bigger walk, prune a few tips off that apple tree, and of course, spend many more hours just doing my favorite thing, sitting and knitting on the front porch.

I have posted quite a few photos and they always feel like they are in the wrong order so I will start by explaining the little painting. As always the farm also involves a trip to Savers ( My girls love OP shopping nearly as much as I do, and as we neared the end of our visit, and everyone had there own little treasure ( piece of crap that I will be chucking out when they are doing something else), I had one last little fossick through the old frames and what should I find but this little water colour print of the Mission in Santa Barbara! Now that is an OP shop find!

So, to sum up our weekend.....

A buriel for our wee little ratties ( yes they have been in our freezer all this time!)

Relaxing under a shady tree

Losing a big front tooth, how cute does our Tobie look.

Teenage girls doing jobs ( maybe about to run over a bike)

The blossom I thought I had missed

Tea breaks

Oranges from our tree, squeezed into a big sticky mess that I freak over because I hate oranges!

Little fairies in trees

Exhausted Russell on his favorite couch ( boy those rabbits are fast)

Concerts on the back porch

Running through the sprinklers

Happy kids, who could ask for more than that.